Baba's Kitchen:Ukrainian Soul Food is 398 page true story about survival from Soviet and Nazi terror.
There is over 200 recipes and Ukrainian home remedy for PMS, bald head, arthritis and twerking.
Find out what my people is protecting. We live in Eastern Europe 44,000 years already. We is Indigenous!
Below is full Table of Content and all book Raisa and Baba study. Where else you going to get Ukrainian recipes PLUS chapter on natural medicine?
Cheap like borshch, only Baba borshch sure don't taste
cheap. Ha! First thing she going to teach you make this borshch like
real Ukrainian, not some rootsy-tootsy hippie, making funny noise and
funnier smell in park.
For starter, Baba teach you to shop for ingredient. Like onion. Do not use kind have green sprout at top. She busy making baby, not have time for you!
Do not never use dry dill. This taste like straw. Pah! Baba spit on it.
Use green cabbage, size your head. If leaf have wormhole, this okay. It
mean cabbage not have so much chemical that bug won't eat. Peel this
away and leave in store. Ignore dirty look from store worker. Who making
borshch, you or him?
This is only start of our relationship, Poopchik.
Below is Free Sample Table of Content & Bibliography.
Take you lifetime to make all recipe and laugh at all of joke in Baba book!
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Baba's Kitchen: Ukrainian Soul Food
Table of Contents
Borshch and other Ukrainian soups the traditional way, step by step. Meat and vegetarian versions. Includes clear shopping instructions: “Don't buy onion have green thing growing out from top. She busy making baby, not have time for you.” Baba reveals the soup behind the sudden death of her friend's abusive husband.
Distinguish yourself from a Neanderthal, stop lawsuits for your biting dog, learn painless thong removal.
The urgent romantic matter of a full fridge by your bed. Men don't leave at 3 a.m. Because they're scared of commitment. They leave because they're scared of the diet soda and lettuce leaf. Let Baba be your Mayonnaise Love Expert.
Nalysnyky i Mlyntsi (Crepes and Pancakes)
Childbirth Rituals: Bum stab a cowardly husband, tame an unruly placenta and introduce a baby to the world of love and mortgages.
Maslanyitsya: Ukrainian Mardi Gras
Haul the Butter Goddess around in a sleigh, light fires and throw stale pancakes at politicians.
Easter and Spring Equinox traditions: Colored eggs, pussy willow spankings and a monster chained to a rock.
More Easter recipes may be found throughout Baba’s Kitchen. Paska and Babka are in the Addendum. More examples:
Cope with passive-aggression (getting and giving), snake bite, Einstein, Overeaters Anonymous lapses, Presbyterian sex and reluctant bachelors.
Avoid bleached blonde poisoning, learn how not to be a lame white person in New Orleans, order a black leather cardigan from the Black Leather Baba Catalogue.
Make Ukrainian Cocaine, learn a heartwarming Ukrainian folk song: My Mother Beat Me With a Birch Rod, tenderize meat under your saddle.
Sichenyky i Zrazy (Meatballs and Patties)
Nude encounter groups, cooking with a fly swatter, why your meat balls are too small and JK Rowling is just plain wrong about Dobby.
Christmas Eve is Svyata Vecherya, Koruksun, Rizdvo: Holy Eve, Day of the Dead, and Winter Solstice/Christmas traditions. Talking animals, hungry ancestors, golden sky horses and pudding on the ceiling. Menus for these holidays are referenced to other chapters. Also:
Seduce and poison Nazis, the organic way. Baba is a mushroom picking expert!
Varenyky i Vushky (Perogies and Dumplings)
Why the sexy, desperate women on your favorite TV shows are barking up the wrong dog. Lazy varenyky for your lazy self.
Holubtsi (Cabbage Rolls)
Sabotage hippies and nasty neighbors, be a Cadillac kozak, peel cabbage in a trailer park.
Syr (Cottage Cheese)
Baba Riddle: What's the difference between a cheese dumpling submerged in water, and a kid holding its breath?
Answer: Don't wait for the dumpling to turn blue. It won't. Ha!
Riba (Lake Fish)
Skinny dip with flair, catch trout with your bathing suit, allow men to be men---as long as they keep the massage oil flowing.
Scurvy Dog Baba gets seduced by a pair of black eyebrows and lives to cook and love again.
In Ukraina we say, So long as there is cabbage and potato, house is not empty. Baba herself never seen house with only these thing. Is usually at least couch and television. But you never know.
First aid for grated knuckles, permission to eat plenty of fat, what to feed annoying dinner drop ins.
The Ukrainian Banya (Bath House): Spirits and rituals. Why a cold prickly hand on your rump is bad news in more ways than one. Incredible vegetarian dishes for around a dollar.
Chapter Twenty One
Lokshyna (Egg Noodles)
Baba tears up a golf course on horse back, the Ukrainian origin of Constitutional freedoms, and the simplest noodle recipes ever.
Chapter Twenty Two
Liven up dry mammoth, whole grains and parties.
Chapter Twenty Three
Part (1) Ivana Kupala: Summer Solstice Erotic Rituals. The village that bathes together, stays together. Sexy Ukrainian songs, talking trees and stalking the elusive fire flower.
Part (2) Non-traditional recipes for pie. Because who would believe a grandma book with no pie? And Baba is so good at making them.
Part (3) Ahhhh. Back to traditional Ukrainian desserts. Drink of the gods, fermented honey cake, wild rose preserves on apple cake. Learn Baba's First Law of Thermal Underwear, essential to baking.
Savory Pampushky (Bulochki) are in Addendum.
Chapter Twenty Four
Mak (Poppy Seed)
Baba runs afoul of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police with her opium (or is it?) poppy crop, then gets her man.
Chapter Twenty Five
Ukrainski Medytsyna (Ukrainian Natural Medicine)
Deal with yeast infections, baldness, arthritis, colds, bruises, cracked nipples and PMS using common foods and plants. Home remedies, natural remedies, homeopathy, folk medicine.
Addendum: Special Xliby (Breads)
Please note: Kolach is in
Svyata Vecherya, Chapter 11.