Baba's Easter Recipes

Pysanky is Ukrainian tradition many thousand year old. Is woman sacred obligation to write blessing on egg every year. She then give away as many as possible.
     This not ritual like some kind weirdo modern thing these people make up who dancing with crystal on head and moaning in park. One day they Greek god, next day they some kind rootsy-tootsy Gypsy. Only can't sing.
     They should try keep up dancing, singing with me and other women at Ukrainian festival. They think they New Age. Ha! I show them Old Age.
     Listen and Baba will tell you pysanka story. You have my permission read this to children. Is good for them understand how to fight evil.
     Is terrible monster live deep in cave. Probably more ice cold bunker like Hitler have, only near Kremlin. He chain to rock since beginning of time. This monster look like cross between that Bugs Bunny Tasmanian Devil and politician who have fierce orange eye so close together, look like only one in middle forehead. You know who I mean. Eye is narrow like mind, so you can always tell. If you follow this voting advice, you never wrong. No, eye can't be orange. This is color of Ukrainian liberation. Correction. Eye is Soviet red. Also, monster is little bit too hairy to be normal. This not always true for politician, good or bad. Use your discrimination.
     Monster have ear that hang low, pimple on thigh and bad breath. He film himself for YouTube.
    He is guard by three goddess call Zorya, or stars. They is goddess of dawn, goddess of dusk and goddess of midnight. They also decide people fate.
     Every spring, ugly monster send out demon into four corner of earth. They scout to see if people still loving each other, still writing blessing on egg and giving them away. If so, monster sad. He stay chain to rock another year.
     If we stop writing blessing on egg, happy monster break chain and pow! He fly loose with demon and destroy whole world.
     This why egg written with symbol for all sort of good life thing: sun, animal, plant, cross of four direction, vine and Baba Spider, she who weave Universe.
     Why egg? Is eternal shape of cosmos and sun. Tell us life continue always and that monster never going to win. But we have to fulfill sacred obligation to planet and our Creator.
     When you making pysanky, you blow out inside for amulet against evil. If someone wishing for baby, you leave yolk inside. Never boil egg. Inside must stay alive. You don't want to eat what come out when you blow. Will have dye in white and yolk, so can be toxic. If you draw ancient spiral shape on egg, spiral will trap evil and not allow to escape.
     I know you going to run to Internet to find out how to make these beautiful egg. Is better if you find Ukrainian Baba at cultural centre or church who show you how to make. Is also meditation that go with this. You supposed to meditate for whole day on blessing before starting to write on egg. Also not fight with no one for this time. Baba have to admit, sometime she fail this spiritual test.     

~Baba Raisa